I have to admit that I have enjoyed much of this new space that I’ve found myself in…..meeting new peeps….occasional drinks or dinner out….the ability to be comfortable in my own skin around people who experience the same reality. Shit has been cool. Been finding myself surrounded by folks who have always loved me and were waiting for me to embrace who I am…….no judgement at all. Fukkin breath of fresh air.
I’ve even enjoyed meeting bruhs to get to know and see if chemistry existed….could I actually find a brutha to spend quality time with? A brutha that has similar dreams and goals…..who is cool with my current position and space…..does such a muhhfukka exist?
Hell yeah he does! Niggas waitin to get bunned up and find someone special. Waitin to have a reason to not go on random dates or troll gay apps. These niggas exist. There are some dudes that want the same things I do. I’m finding that maybe they aren’t the problem. I THINK I AM!
Maybe it’s my lack of patience for dumb shit. After being married for almost 20 years, I’m just not willing to deal with some of the ignant shit that people like to go through……whether a man or woman. Not to mention the fact that a spic is just too old to be jumping through hoops for a brutha that MIGHT be worth spending the next 45 days with.
I think my previous marriage put me in a space that forces me to weed out some of the dumb shit off the top. Some things just result in an automatic “done” or “no do over”. Some of those behaviors highlight the fact that maybe we are in different spaces. And my ass is simply not willing to re-live certain moments that may seem new to someone else, or go back to old shit that remind me of past issues. It’s kinda fukked up, yes. Because it really doesn’t give the other person the opportunity to respond to my feelings. I get it. It’s not necessarily right……but it’s my truth. Some things are ultimately gonna result in me bouncing.
First, there’s the self-centered nigga…..does every conversation have to always come back to you?? If I tell a nigga that I have a headache, I’m not interested in how he dealt with the same shit last week. I’m sure there are others who know how important you are….but right now, give me my fukkin moment.
Then, there’s the interjecting/interrupting muhhfukka….if I can’t finish a complete thought without someone chiming in with something they just have to say, shit ain’t gonna work.
One more for ya……the inconsistent nigga….on one week. Off the next. Miss the shit outta u…..then don’t remember the last time you talked. LOL.
Maybe I’m venting, but it’s my blog. Not angry. Just acknowledging that maybe everyone else is fine, and it’s possibly ME that isn’t ready to be with someone….at least, not until I find someone that I’m right for….and one who’s right for me.
No settling. Period.